COLD

Was it much of a surprise, the reception upon attending the fires? Not truly. Perhaps there was something inside that had hope it would be different after all this time. "Tribe before all" Do those words only mean what everyone expects from others but not what they themselves are prepared to give?

Long before Ramza had spoken for me as his mate, there had been no warmth among those of the people. It is how it feels. Several times now I've made my way from the herds to visit the main fires. It is the same no matter who is there. There were a few gathered. Old faces, new faces. I've tried to tell Cana and Ba'atar congratulations on the birth of their child, the upcoming birth of another and his stepping forward to lead the tribe. They do not acknowledge that I've spoken. Many faces I no longer see about the fires at all. Some I look for with anticipation. Prospects walk away disrespectfully. I guess it took me aback that Jai was short spoken with me. Beside Silk, he was the only other person I felt was a true friend. He made it clear there is nothing we have to talk about. The circle closes and I feel like I look upon it from the outside.

I'm tired. I'm touchy. I'd hoped for someone to talk to. Not to pour out troubles but merely to have conversation with. How are the bosk? We all remember the last move north. I think it still runs through our veins. We all remember the division of the tribe and the disappearances of many of our people during the last move south. I think everyone is tired. Evereyone is touchy.

Fonce had told me before he removed the ring of steel from my throat .. "Life goes on" There was age old wisdom there. None the less, the Tuchuk are my family and I will stand with them through what comes, but I find my happiness with the warrior that loves me, with the silken furred creatures that have befriended me and the children that clamor around our wagons following my mate.

Soon we will begin the move north again. There has been fewer word of Me Too in the last moon. Whenever there is chance, I ride to the outposts to gather news. I still do not want to believe he will not return. Ramza always has patience with me and welcomes me when I return with open arms and the quiet words of how much he has missed me. I miss him as well though this drive inside to find the boy ... I ... I
All that I knew is gone. Fonce, Me Too.

If there is chance before the drive north, I want to make one more ride to the outer perimeters. I do not want to go north leaving one behind. The omens. The Omens have changed as have my dreams. I want to whisper to the winds, to ask if they could bring favor .. just this once. But it is a selfish wish. I want my family to be whole again.

They are all I have.