When you don't know whether to laugh or cry ....

Dance

Days went by that I saw very little of anyone from the first fires. I have no complaint, the kaiila were good company. Creatures that generally don't care much for being close to one another, didn't seem to mind as they buffeted each other to surround me. A rub here on a flank or a scuff of fingers there along a maw ... I was loving it and had to give serious thought now and then to who was the greater attention whore ... them or me. It was such a tightly knit cluster that I had to shove one away to put salve on another one's wound. Ahhh, to be so loved.

I have to admit that worry urt syndrome I have rose to a crescendo when Cana began blanket training Ciegue even when we fell into the easy back and forth banter that we share. Would it be alright if I went for a ride with one of the warriors? I was going to make sure after seeing how much trouble another freewoman got into the other day. See I didn't have all of the facts, there had been a reason why everyone was so upset, just as there was reason she went. Yes, it would be alright, just follow my instincts. I had to admit right then and there, that sometimes instincts can get clouded, like when you kiss a warrior. We covered the do's and don'ts of kissing, whether you are supposed to smack them or something. It was a relief to find out that it is not a punishable offense especially if you want it to happen again. I opened up that there was a warrior that I had kissed .. one that I liked .. one I liked a lot but I thought a friend of mine liked him.

Somehow she knew which one I referred to and that surprised me. Was I so ready to close a gate before seeing what was on the other side? I felt she cared for him and I would never stand in the way of her happiness. Her gentle spoken reassurances began to put me at ease as she told me she had felt that way of Tayco long ago. She had been sure that he cared for another, one that was beautiful, graceful, more accomplished. That was something I could definitely identify with, especially the part about feeling awkward, naive, and foolish. I was rattling off one of those long winded lists .. of why it was not going to work out anyway ... he has a big family, I've never been around so many, he doesn't stop being arrogant to sit and listen ... and sometimes I just want to kiss him to shut him up. Did I ever think he teases me just to see how I would react? Sometimes I want to take a water bota and smack him upside the head with it. Yes? Then do it, but practice at that aim first. She said it sounded like we had begun the dance. "I think you care for him more than you are saying." Shame I didn't have a bota to throw at her when I protested ... I Do Not!

I was still floating on all that pent up energy and maybe ... hope later when I made it to the fires. It was a midday of laughter and jests among friends. The good naturedness of being within a gathering of people that you feel comfortable with makes you want to let your hair down. Among the harigga, for a woman to do that it is a shame punishable by slavery. I didn't pull the tether from my hair but I did not speak up .. did not speak out when the camaraderie went too far.

It began with a playful gesture, sneaking up to cover the eyes of a warrior got me tossed to his lap more by reflex than anything I believe. There was laughter that it took less time to scramble out than it did for me to fall in. It was not the greatest faux pas of the day nor was it the least. The antics of a child tossing an urt into my lap ... a woman that may like osts and spiders but has a phobia of urts ... was a grand source of amusement. I danced over almost the entire encampment in trying to get away ... that included warriors. Hands that reached for places that didn't need hands may have been moved away from but ... I didn't say anything to stop ... any of it.

All in all, the peels of giggles, squeals. snickers, knee-slappers, guffaws had felt wonderful but the trickle down effect would be resounding.